My father is a big part of my ‘why’.

I was 12 years of age when my father suicided. I remember the day vividly. I recall initially being told that my father had “had an accident” and that he would be okay … as though I was too young to realise the strange-looking long charcoal-coloured vehicle parked on our driveway was a hearse. I knew my Dad wasn’t okay. And I would soon learn that it was no accident.

Not only did my Dad die that day, my family as I knew it, changed forever. I recall, even from that young age, being very aware of how differently my sister (three years older than myself), my mother and I, grieved. I grew up with a real curiosity. I had questions about suicide (naturally), and about grief. What is it about coping with the death of a loved one that allows some people to be able to find ways of carrying on and still live happy and fulfilling lives, while others get seemingly ‘stuck’? What does ‘helpful’ grief support look like? And, why isn’t there more education about grief or support available? These were just some of the questions I spent my teenage years contemplating and my adult years finding answers to.

In 2017 I began my PhD in which I explored the care and support experiences of children aged 6 to 13 years, following the suicide of someone close to them. I did so because in order for us to develop more support options for young people, we need to first understand, from them, what they find helpful and unhelpful. Now, charged with this new knowledge (the voices of the children I interviewed), I am doing my (small) part to grow the support services available for those affected by suicide loss across Aotearoa. In 2024, I founded Tony’s Place Charitable Trust, named after my father. Tony’s Place provides a range of community-based support options for children, teens and adults affected by suicide. Visit www.tonysplace.org.nz to find out more.

I am also about to launch The Grief Shop (www.thegriefshop.co.nz) an online shop that stocks a range of grief specific books, resources and gift items. I get that it can be tricky to know what to say or do, and what to send, when someone you care about is grieving. I set up The Grief Shop to help people access a range of thoughtful gift ideas, lasting alternatives to the traditional flowers (which only end up dying!).

With brilliant people around me at Tony’s Place and The Grief Shop, most of my time and energy these days goes into delivering keynotes and masterclasses, programme design and facilitation (hence this website). I also directly support a small number of one-on-one clients (adults and children affected by suicide loss). This is something that I will always prioritise, no matter how many my calendar gets.